Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so explain again why im purple
no
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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