I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
