I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
