I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
