no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
