i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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