drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize