Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
