Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
