Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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