Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
