i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
