So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize