Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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