i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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