hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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