My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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