he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
