I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
