Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
