No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize