We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
