you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
