i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
