Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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