so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
