Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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