Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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