They should really pass out barf bags in church
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
