is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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