My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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