It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Houston, we have a squirter
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What changed your mind?
Being sober
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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