Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
