dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
