I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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