i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
