Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
