i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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