Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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