There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just invented taco cereal.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
