my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
