I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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