I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
