let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
