how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
