I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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