yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
