i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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