GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
