I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
