i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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