dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
