Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
