You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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