wakey wakey hands off snakey
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
