All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
