I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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