In the future we'll all be gay
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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