If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
