Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
