Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
