so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
