If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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