At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize